Waiiiittt

I don't know how to be that kind of happy. At least not now. And what is waiting? Does that even exist.

i have forgotten

this is what i have been dealing with these last couple of months. i have become that girl hidden in the corners of umd, researching satanism on her tiny, fire-red lap computer. im almost done, though. and i feel as though all this work has (for the most part) paid off. but i shutter at the thought as to what it might have been had i not waited until the last two months to actually start painting. but really, what good does it do? mpr is the other demon in the back of my mind. if you listen to it as religiously as me, you must know what i'm talking about.

apart from that i have constant aches of all kind: excitement, fear, lust, confusion, and love. these feelings keep the mundane out of a busy school/work life. for the most part...

this weekend i said goodbye to a friend. these next few minutes i dedicate to you...





...if only you coulda seen it.

and i said hello to the return of the lover.

Lifelylovely

euro-tripping with the finest of all males, painting, saving, tripping on stones, curtsey dresses and adopted families. All the while I shall love and save and eat. Ohh too much dreaming but never enough. The weather has been fine here.

the struggle between two halves and finding what's in-between.

the similarities between mother and daughter...

and the differences as well.

Community BlackBook

I open this book of mine to anyone willing. I have three filled up and one in the process. Expect more images soon.

Yeah, I guess I'll do art.

New System

Because this one just isn't good enough. I need some sort of stimulation. I'm a bottle about to explode. This idea of existence is possible, and that's what is tough about it.

Creative energy runs pregnant.

Another delirious post...

Numbers

There are things we think about, and these are what I. In no order, of course, except the order of ambition I have right now.

1 pizza always pizza. Not just the food, but the word. An adjective "damn boy, you lookin' pizza todayyy" A deity "praise be to pizza" or the fact that last night i sat on my sickly ass and watched the biggest loser while devouring half a pizza

2 accordion in summer days, sweat stained clothing, belching, blurting, humming these pretty words i will eventually write.

3 places to go trains farms ruins planes camels ADVENTURES perhaps turkey or prague

4 probably my hair because its on my head

i've got a date with a doctor that will determine my future

i fear studying and talking with attractive older men

workin 9 to 5

if only if only. but then i have 20million hours for treking and sweet sweet accordion music. my bros are in town livin and what plasma donation valentines ddays and parking tickets with no desire for paymentthis computer has no room for growth but dolly

"Im'a don'a tummy woopsie"

WHAT!?!?!#

YOU WANT ME TO BUY TEXTBOOKS!?
Well, I'm sorry...but I have to save up for a new accordion.

never enough

when will i stop being hungry? and when will i stop being sleepy?
despite all of this, i've come to terms with the pending umd semester, and i'm all right with it.

i shall fill my days with toilet paintings, accordion lessions, and dreamy dreams of far off places. italy, greecce, pauge, or perhaps africa once again. now now now where shall i venture off to?

Terrified

of this possible unhappiness, or this lack of motivation. i'm not ready and i don't want to wait for this fall. i get too dramitic when things don't go my way.

i have this tiny computer now. it almost fits into my pocket.

Wintery

It's snowing here too. There's snow all around. There's good times good friends good home-made meals and nice people to share them with. This feels nice.

What would home feel like? What is home? Where is home? Where am I? What I like best is what I've always known. Some people never find that.

I like Africa, which is why I'm planning something. But what I can't do is this plan on my own. Who wants to do this with me? WHO WOULD?

Vannccccoooouuuuvverrrr back to snow, away from rain

oh yeah, travel blog

well there will be no travel blog because I much prefer my little black book that i carry around in my fanny pack.

i like it here. i think. i've only been here for two days...

but i've been writing more, and drawing. And i got a new paintbrush for my watercolors.

i'm not spending all of my money and i joined couchsurfing.org. next week we are going to vancouver.

there are a lot of attractive fellas here. some of them have beards.

i have to piss and i'm gettin' hungry.

YEAHhhhhhhhh

You f*ers. I've had too much coffee and never too much free food. Yeah I'm leaving. SURPRISED? Never, not for me, anyways. These are the last, so hell, make them last.

Last rhymes with last.

I suppose goodbyes will be hard? Are they ever hard? SO GOODBYE. Were a month be today I would leave a happy gal. But I love love love who you be who we be who we all be, what we stand for, cats, cows, and a banjo on your knee. Foot-stompin' good time, right? Real friends, FINALLY more known. So to leave with the satisfaction of knowing and rising above. ALRIGHT!

Dancing tonight. I'll wear my red boots for that.

Brain

ups and downs and constant distractions. when they leave they leave me low. so i send out that rope and hope for a snag, so far nothing caught. low low low low. i can't let that happen.

there is travel come those months. no need for ropes except to tie my bags with. i will run from those lows and those highs and find that comfy medium, or a bit of peace to do so. the peace of being new in a new place. ohhh, how tasty.

breakfast

to the desert!

and off we go. ladies and lad to tepees and treeless lands.

but how will we build the fire?