Wintery

It's snowing here too. There's snow all around. There's good times good friends good home-made meals and nice people to share them with. This feels nice.

What would home feel like? What is home? Where is home? Where am I? What I like best is what I've always known. Some people never find that.

I like Africa, which is why I'm planning something. But what I can't do is this plan on my own. Who wants to do this with me? WHO WOULD?

Vannccccoooouuuuvverrrr back to snow, away from rain

oh yeah, travel blog

well there will be no travel blog because I much prefer my little black book that i carry around in my fanny pack.

i like it here. i think. i've only been here for two days...

but i've been writing more, and drawing. And i got a new paintbrush for my watercolors.

i'm not spending all of my money and i joined couchsurfing.org. next week we are going to vancouver.

there are a lot of attractive fellas here. some of them have beards.

i have to piss and i'm gettin' hungry.

YEAHhhhhhhhh

You f*ers. I've had too much coffee and never too much free food. Yeah I'm leaving. SURPRISED? Never, not for me, anyways. These are the last, so hell, make them last.

Last rhymes with last.

I suppose goodbyes will be hard? Are they ever hard? SO GOODBYE. Were a month be today I would leave a happy gal. But I love love love who you be who we be who we all be, what we stand for, cats, cows, and a banjo on your knee. Foot-stompin' good time, right? Real friends, FINALLY more known. So to leave with the satisfaction of knowing and rising above. ALRIGHT!

Dancing tonight. I'll wear my red boots for that.

Brain

ups and downs and constant distractions. when they leave they leave me low. so i send out that rope and hope for a snag, so far nothing caught. low low low low. i can't let that happen.

there is travel come those months. no need for ropes except to tie my bags with. i will run from those lows and those highs and find that comfy medium, or a bit of peace to do so. the peace of being new in a new place. ohhh, how tasty.

breakfast

to the desert!

and off we go. ladies and lad to tepees and treeless lands.

but how will we build the fire?

leaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleavevvv

UNNATURAL ADDICTION TO VAMPIRES.

Whatever. Let's party.

that bitch be SPARKLING

To loose and to find everything. I was reminded of the world today and the possibilities. I am not alone.

Webs

I suppose webs were created with intention, but I wonder why this? Understanding, most likely. A good time, most likely. Duluth always knows.

I think in the (end) everything will come together. No matter what path, it will lead into the right direction. Or the only direction.

Well, well

Might have to hit the road, not by choice. But by government standards. My family doesn't make enough to put me through college, so they might kick me out for lack of funds. One year left? Nah, let's get 'er outta 'ere. I just want to graduate, mista. I just want to be done with this mess, these cosigners. What do they matter anyways?

AmeriCorps at the least.

Motions

I've been having these terrible stomach problems as of late, and I just don't have the heart to fix it. My mind needs to be scooped with an ice-cream spoon, and then replaced with something fresh, like springtime flowers. Then maybe I won't feel so nauseous, then maybe there won't be such a need for bathrooms.

Bottle for every blues, give me my apartment now.

Brain Seashore and I are building a mural. It's lookin' reel gud if ya ask me.

for the future

i know what i need to do, because a part of me feels empty without it. the application process takes about 6 months they say. i could be rejected. it's very likely. but then, this is what needs to happen, so it will. i've experienced that world, i've tasted it's salt, i feel it in my bones.

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CUTE ANIMALS SNEEZING!!!

life is full of whoopsiepoopsies. I've been having a lot of those as of late. But I guess that's how you solve things, that's how you realize where things lie. I'm a crumpled mess, defeated by my return home, and I don't want to do anything but go back and be away. I was meant for away, I know, but I've always wanted a reason to stay. Not now, and I'm too young to feel so old. Old and given up. on too many things to count. Stop counting, just be and be okay.

There are many questions that I've asked over and over. Sometimes I'm lucky and find an answer. But with every new person the answers are forgotten. I want people to be like penguins. They never have to toil with issues of new mates. Just weather and other animals that eat them. Actually, I don't want to be eaten.

"a pure heart makes a clear mind"
thank you week-old fortune cookie.

more pictures you say?

Feeling all sorts of feelings and it's hard to decide what is what and what it means so i'm just sort of treading the waters and drinking them too i could use a little sunshine i miss the old ways

I just want to love people. I'm a big bag full of love, and that bag has been popped. So now I'm just going to love you all up, because this is a fantastic world and there should be more love in it.

Forget all that I've said, I'm excited to return.
I'm ready to make this a happy memory.

Wait now, that don't matter one bit
I got this free wind in my bones, and a bottle for every blues
So get up, get down, and dance all around with me
I'm bringing back a storm and what we needed during those winter days
Some sight into existence and a merry feelings
Just to keep it last

i feel it in my gut that i will be unhappy when i return home
when there is nothing to return to

stumbling to the top of everything beautiful
oh yes, i do love this life
my trees are still missing, sweaty palms and grass-stained cloth
but we make it do
and I am here
satisfied and grateful
for these cobblestone streets
they provide the flights to the lands of youth
never stuck, but always moving
i am an explorer, musician, artist
contented

Come those months, there will be some nut-punching. nut squeezing. nuts ripping off of.

HEELLLLLL YYES

creator, builder of clay, the free spirit, mind, going back to the earth, bare feet, broken shoes, grass, trees, sunny days

To want, and to wait.
I don't want to wait.
13 weeks to wait for
And I'll wait for you

Before the mount, there was the desire-
spectacular tastes of the tidy and gentle kind
where refreshing blows push against the winds of time and place
and i become whole, complete once again
but the folly is mine, because that cannot exist.
and here i am as i am...here
contrary to the salty dreams i once dreamt
this place is a hole, a mess to get buried in
i didn't escape, but i came back to what once was
buried in the fashionable heap.
but there is a way to find the desire of the refreshed
and it comes through with the effort of patients
the clock ticks 123 like the body it moves
and to develop into the complete once again

I do miss the joys of home.
But here there is a history to love.
A place to raise a family,
cultured and rich.
Not of the New World. It seems too old.
But of the past to make the present a beauty.