Do not grow. You would keep the world from me.

party wind, and you discover the hidden qualities
of loves and lost
inebriation of the free mind
and the person you always were

About a time in the woods and the person I'd like to be

I can't be because the glory has passed.
There are dreams, but, can they satisfy?
All hope lies in little pictures.
And ideas of the things that cannot.
Of broken jeans and leaves, and bark.
Cover me with that blanket. I see.
I am not right because I cannot be.
And I was raised by something normal.
Used to comfort, fuck it.
I'd take your woods if I could.
And melt your home away.

and if these sunny days would last, i would be tempted to share
but as it is, those feelings come and go
come and go and so on as things do as they do
but as it is, i will stay and ponder

cozy, warm sanity.

Yes you cannot forget this. The beauty of it all. Of freedom, and no obligations.

You see, I don't have to worry anymore. There's a world
I will see. Come those months.
Then there won't be a home. I'll make mine
of skies and foreign lands. Languages so crisp from my tongue.
I'll come back accented.
Italian blood, bust, bread. My lad.

This thing in my arm might be fucking with my head.
This living situation
This constant solitude
This fantasy

Developments crash
But I realized, too late?
Well, that's to be said.
My spirits are free and untouched. There's a calm.

ineverwanttoleave.ineverwanttostopreadingthisbook.

Niki Burger

has a terrible obsession. But it is so good.
It started when I was young.
When I would spend hours in the trunk, with those fake teeth.
I'd wear the cape as well, but since then my image of the creature has changed.
And now I squeal like a giddy school-girl over literature and films.
Oh the brooding wonderful mess. Oh the idea of that romance.
Oh the funny obsession.

she doesn't want to leave, and she did.
Now look. There's nothing to see.
Back to the culture-hungry
Mine has been left, waiting for the return
to return, to return,
Return
She misses Uganda

Mud Butt the Mud Hut

There was a dinner party, and during a toast the guests requested information for me to bring back after I finish in Africa.

1. Draw the biggest bug (or dick) that I see.
2. Dinosaurs- true or false?
3. Find and buy PJ the most interesting mask in Uganda.
4. When a fly lands on someone is that really a blessing?
5. What's the deal about female circumcision? Find out from someone who really knows.
6. Learn how to make my favorite dish for the return dinner party.
7. Is Brendan Fraiser still making the Mummy movie?
8. What is the pipe/water situation like?
9. Learn to sing a song (and a lullaby) in the native tongue.

Of course this is a lot to learn in three weeks.

Tonight was wonderful. Knowing who you're going to miss makes the idea of leaving harder.

See you later.

those ideas are gross and they don't satisfy
but i have to dig in them and find the fault
and find who was at fault. there's nothing to blame
not a fatal act, just ideas of unsatisfactory kind
before the fall i would have had the comfort of the excuse
to not think, but now i'm left
to search for the distraction in the void
and in the void came the realization of the past
and the adventure lack of the "new gems"
i miss the stones and the nights of zoo parties
and i have discovered why i call my friends true
to thrive on the outside and to chill in the breeze
and pay no attention to vogue ideas, ideal actions
i've brought myself into a world so untrue
always moving, always finding a place
a place is always in the past, but
that's gone.
i'm still searching

Situation

I can't cry during this guitar solo.

I've got three more weeks to go.
There are a lot of things that I would like to accomplish before then.

I'm camping on Madeline Island for a few days with Grease.
I'm going to my father's house with...?
To fix and to paint and gather the friendships for a farewell.

I stay awake at night and I laugh so hard.

Back to the pages, back to the skinny laces
To tie up the loose ends and make amends
Of all the falls
To drop, or to catch and hold on
Followed by new hellos and hands to bring back the memories
Or nos and to fall by those broken hands

I think about those dogs, I think about the adventures to be, I think about happy faces and happy plans, I still think about leaving-running away, I think about a companion

A hand hold and a hand held
one and one for the both of us

knowing who you're going to miss makes the idea of leaving harder

I do not feel heavenly. I do not feel kind
I feel like fucking shit up- getting rip-roaring drunk
while howling to the stars.
I'll break your bottles, and scare your mothers.
And throw these textbooks to the seas.

Questions

and it's hard when you have them, to answer them, and realize
it's always the pit
you eat but it never fills, so you question
and you ask questions, or you don't and you wait
it's easy to think of things, to always think of them
and never change- that comes with questioning
over and over, the realizing plays
and you realize the potential of every possible way
and you question the outcome or the path of realization
thus the pit, and trying to fill

it willfill someday

note

put on your simple pleasures
we've got to get through this weather

Run

You can only write when you feel like it
Do you feel like it? I feel like dancing. So let's do it!
Let's go and runrunrunrunrurun
to the cities, to the bikes, to the places that I could be
instead of here. Always here.
I will laugh at it. They can't hold me, their tender is wrong.
So you run with the boy to the place to be
To pick up fields and broken houses and make them our own.
Oh, I dream and they taste so delicious!
To live there

School puts pressure on my chest and the heart BEEPS BEEPS and flutters, feels nervous.
There is no school to satisfy. Quit.

These people are lovely, though. I will take them with me.

I think about summer, boy, rebuilding, Africa

You do start it too fast. Your air doesn't breathe without it.
But hold up and hold your breath. Because there is no drowning.
Just take it one, two, three, one, two, three, they always come in threes.
How many threes? About three pairs.
The songs have stopped but the plays have begun.
Act 1 is to present. You will love it, I know how to make you love it.
Oh but the latter, it's entirely different. It's where the weak shows and you
begin to understand the boredom. Never never. It's just a joke
Is it a joke? It's too beautiful to keep. I'm not talking about what you think I am,
I have felt a fresh Spring in my face. The rain is currently washing away the old.
Don't freeze don't freeze they will know.Bam! And you run away.
That's how to do it. That's how to keep your promises
I made to myself.
Became an old maid with thick glasses and a fresh keep to the self.
But I can experience running and laughing, where is it coming from?
It's coming from hobbits still, or fields, or ideas of company. To travel
run run run I GOTTA GO she says
It's thick and hard to keep off, I'm spraying I'm washing.
There's a blue here that's difficult to look away from. I don't want to fall so I gotta look.
one, two, three and you keep counting threes the threes i want a four, so i will count.

First stop: Canceled until later date
Second stop: Canceled!

This couldn't have come at a better time!

First stop: Minneapolis
Second stop: Chicago

This couldn't have come at a better time.

Uganda

In June comes the day that I have been preparing for for under a year now.
On the 14th of that month I will be traveling from Minneapolis to Chicago, Chicago to Brussles, and then finally on the 15th I will be arriving in Entebbe, Uganda. I will then be transferred to Lake Bunyonyi (right above the boarder of Rwanda and Tanzania) where I will be working with African children, teaching them Art and English. I will be staying in huts, and Uganda will be my home.

When you realize your potential in this life, other matters effect you less. So all you broken hearted, or just plain broke fools, I say to you to quit your pain and your paying and start to recognize all of the other incredible opportunities that can come so easily to you.

Perhaps this is the start?
Or maybe it's just a phase.
But I have never been as restless as I am now.
Things will happen.
I will take myself away and to that place
that I dreamed of with a head full of smoke.
Oh, but it was clear.
I was made to travel and to experience.
There is no comfort with this restlessness.

canyoufeeltheknife

Oh the days.
My house is big and my little body doesn't need it all.
But my tea does, and the sounds from my record player do as well.
They fill it warm and settle the dust in the air so that I drift and feel comfortable.

I think about being a grandma.
And still always about adventures.

Do you need some toilet paper? How about some towels?