In My Father's Closet

“Shh... don’t let him see it”
“See what!?” my scrawny 5 year-old cousin said, tugging at the shirts of me and his sister, who were both four years older than him.
He wasn’t allowed to see what I had found. It was too damaging…

A full hour into an intense game of hide-and-seek at my father’s place left all of the good hiding places known to its players. What was left of all the good spots centered around the forbidden space of my dad’s bedroom. Only the bravest of players would enter into such a place. Little Adam wouldn’t do it, and Sarah was too noble, but me, well, I was fearless back then. So I mustered up every ounce of strength inside me and waltzed into dad’s bedroom whilst Adam counted down from 40.
Oh and I made it. I could taste the sweet aroma of victory as I examined the possible places to hide within the bedroom. Under the bed- too obvious, behind the door- that’s child’s play, the closet- maybe, but inside one of the cardboard boxes in the closet- now that was a place for a winner!
I could hear Adam counting down, “29, 28, 27…”
Racing to the closet I spotted my box. Built to the top of my soon to be winning hiding spot was a pile of socks that quickly needed to be removed. Like a rabid dog I leapt at the red, green, and black cotton balls, almost foaming at the mouth, and began to tear them away, digging deeper and deeper until finally I hit what I thought was the bottom.
But this was not the bottom. No, they were books!
“15, 14, 13…”
Quick, quick! Take the books. Throw them ou… “HOLY #%&@!!!”
A quick glance down and I realized that these were no ordinary books. Instead of rolling hills dotted with cute wildlife creatures pictured on the covers of the books my dad normally read were now two large pairs of rolling double Ds dotted with the occasional mole (not the cute kind) and, dare I even say it, nipples.
Starring at these large developments of a full grown woman, I failed to notice that the rest of the time left for me to hide had been counted away, and soon Adam came to view the scene of me hypnotized by my findings.
A quick “What’chu got there?” from Adam got me moving again and I hastily hid those obscene books behind my back. I told Adam to get Sarah, to call out for her and say that I needed her immediately. He did just that and within minutes Sarah too entered into my father’s bedroom.
My logic was that she too was a girl, and seeing the great number of these nudie books in my father’s closet and Adam’s intense eager to see what we had, made me come to the conclusion that even the most respectable of men had no power against these books, but we girls did. They could not harm us.
“Sarah, look at what I found.”
“Oh my gosh! What are these!?” she said as she sifted through the piles of boobies and peepees.
“My dad is sick, he needs help. I have to tell someone!”
After much debate as to who should find out and help my dad with his addiction, we decided that my grandma would be the best candidate for the job. She has a love for all creatures, including sick old men who loved nudie papers, and I was going to be spending the night later at her house anyways, so she was the convenient choice.
After an hour of planning what I should do and say, I gathered up what appeared to be the raunchiest of books (including one entitled How to Have Good Sex) and packed up for the ride to my grandma’s, which of course would mean that I would have to endure a full forty-five minutes in the car with the dad.
“So what did you do today Nick?”
“NOTHING.”
“Oh, well did you have fun with your cousins?”
“YEAH, I GUESS.”
“Okay… you alright?”
“I’M TIRED!”
It went like that for the whole length of the car ride. The only moment of fresh air from an endless stream of good-hearted questioning came when a song that my father liked played on the radio, to which he would occupy himself while restlessly tapping his thumbs against the steering wheel. I had this time to think about what he could possibly ask next, wondering if he knew.
In the end, he didn’t know, or he didn’t dare to ask, because we made it to my grandma’s house without ever mentioning any of those books, or boobs,
After a quick “goodbye” said to the carpet, my father left. Hardly a moment passed by when I stopped my grandma from asking about my weekend and ushered her into the next room. I closed the door.
“Grandma, when I was at my dad’s I found something in his closet. Now don’t be alarmed, they won’t get you, but you need to look at these and help my dad… He has a problem. I think he might be crazy.”
So at that I dumped out the contents of my backpack. Mouth slightly ajar, my grandma looked over the books with photos of the naked women, picked up the How To Have Good Sex book and said;
“Oh! I’ve got to read this one.”